Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
