The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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