i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
