He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Randomize
