It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
