i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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