I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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