Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just found a bag of teeth...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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