She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Found your dick twin last night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
