3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
