Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
