She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
