I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
