I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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