im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
