Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Randomize