We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
