we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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