I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
