I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
