we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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