i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
