I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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