Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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