There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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