theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Someone shattered a urinal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
