He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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