a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
