you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
