I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
