PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
