i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
