Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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