I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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