Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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