In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
