Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
