I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
