I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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