no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
