I want to walk on stilts...naked
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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