Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
