My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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