Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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