Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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