I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize