I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize