can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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