My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
