This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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