I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
