I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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