Your dad touched me again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize