btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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