Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
