I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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