Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dignity is for republicans.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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