you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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