She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
