You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
