Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
