her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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