I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
