I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
