i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Shame - the story of my life.
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